What do you say when someone loses a horse?
Use the horse's name, say one specific thing you remember about them, and resist the urge to look for a silver lining.
There’s no correct sentence, and anyone offering you one is guessing. What follows is only what tends to land better, from people who have been on the receiving end of it.
Use the horse’s name. “I'm so sorry about Bramble” does more than “sorry for your loss”, because it says the horse was a particular animal rather than a category. Say one specific thing you remember — how he was at a gate, what she was like to hack out with, the thing he did that nobody else’s horse did.
Two things to avoid. Anything beginning “at least”, which asks the person to feel better on your schedule. And “you can always get another”, which is heard as a suggestion the horse was replaceable. If you’re close enough, offering a specific practical thing — mucking out, a lift, feeding the field-mate — is worth more than any wording.
If you’re sending something with the card, our memorial prints are made to order with the horse’s name.
Written by Craig Fearn, Stable & Hoof.
Also in the partnership
Try it
Type a horse's name and watch the print set itself. Free, no photo needed, about ten seconds.
From the tack room
Questions, answered
What should you not say when someone loses a horse?
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Anything starting "at least", and "you can always get another". Both are meant kindly and both are heard as the horse being replaceable or the grief being disproportionate.
Is it better to say nothing than the wrong thing?
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Saying the horse's name and one thing you remember is hard to get wrong. Silence is usually read as not having noticed.
From the journal